I always explain these moods as 'waves'. Sometimes I'll be myself, or whom I consider my 'true' self to be: a bubbly, confident girl who is full of energy and positivity.
Sometimes, however, I'm like how I am today.
It's hard to express how I feel, which makes it hard to know how I can 'fix' this feeling. I'm not lost, but I also feel that I do not have a direction or purpose at the moment. I feel that I am floating through life, on a cloud made of marshmellows, a bit of a sticky situation but also a bit too comfortable in being there.
As many of you might know, the University of Warwick is one of the 61 universities to strike due to the staff pensions protest. This isn't going to be a blog about that, however, but a blog about how the students are affected by this. Focusing on me (of course, the owner and subject of all these blogs hahaha...).
After returning from Reading Week, the strikes immediately affected me. I had already had a week 'off', with what I would consider a well-deserved break, but I was well rested during this period and I was in the right mindset to come back to study. However, things didn't turn out the way I expected them to unfold. Whilst the first week of the strikes felt like a 'normal' week, as the days went on, more and more of my teachers wouldn't turn up to the lessons, only sending us a rushed email the day before apologising for the delay and telling us why they were striking. What interested me the most was that in these emails were no notes on what work we could do to fill our time, nor any hints that our classes would be rearranged. I told my Father this, who was outraged by one of the top universities to be running this way.
At first, I didn't mind the time off. It meant that I had more spare time to study and catch up on work, but now that I have done this, I'm feeling quite lost. It's not that I would enjoy a full 8 hour schoolday like I was put through in secondary school (oh, the trauma!), but I would also very much appreciate a structure to my days. It has felt like an extended-weekend, one that drags on for a suspicious amount of time. It has made me, as a person, extremely lazy. I wake up late, potter about the house for a bit, see my flatmates and before I know it, it's half midnight and time to go back to sleep, just to repeat the whole thing over again the next day.
It has become tiresome, and it has made me realise the importance of structure in one's life. It has been said that Monday mornings are only a bother to those who do not enjoy their job, and I can completely agree with that statement. Whilst getting up at 7:30AM is a pain, at least it means that I am out of the house by 8:00AM to get to my class. It means that I am being productive with my life, and that my commitments give my life structure and purpose. Weil once stated that one of the key requirements for having a fulfilled life is the idea that one has a purpose. One is appreciated for what one does, and one is acknowledged for one's contributions. What am I contributing when I am lazing around in my bed all day long? Absolutely nothing.
Let's share my unpopular opinion: I like attending my seminars and lectures. I like going to university, just as much as I enjoyed going to school every day from Monday to Friday. I like having structure to my life, and I like being an educational environment because I feel like I have a purpose when I am answering questions in my classes. I clearly remember my schoolmates complaining about school, yet I would be that person who would confidently state that they loved school, and were grateful for being in school. I obviously got snears, but what we ought to remember is that we should be grateful for having the opportunity to learn. Others, even in the 21st century, do not have the chance to go to school, let alone university. Therefore, I scorn on those who miss their seminars in order to lie in or play videogames. It is only in times when I do not have my classes that I realise that they are of the utmost importance in my life, and how grateful I must be to have the opportunity to attend classes which inspire me, intellectually stimulate me and open my mind the vast ideas and opinions of the world.
Yours,
